On Tuesday June 12th I went into my midwife's office for my normal monthly check up (I had my 7 year old with me because he wanted to hear the baby) and she was unable to find a heart beat. It was after 5pm so I needed to go to the hospital quick before the people that could get me into get a sono closed. My midwife called the people and confirmed they would get me in as soon as I got there.
So off to the hospital I went with my 7 year old. Upon getting to the hospital they told me that I'd have to call and make an appointment tomorrow when the dept that handles the sonos are open. The midwife was able to track someone down to get me in and I was take back to get a sono at about 6pm alone with my 7 year old (who I gave my phone to play with). At no point in the sono did I get to see the baby the screen was faced away from me the entire time and then the tech said she had to call the midwife to confirm the readings.
This was the last contact I had with my midwife. She informed me over the sono tech's phone that the tech found no heart beat and the baby had passed. I was 17 weeks and 2 days. The tech told me to go to the ER where I was lucky enough to have some friends that had come up to the hospital waiting room with me and I decided to wait for my husband before going back into the ER.
A friend picked up my husband and children as I had the car with the car seats. And we were checked into the ER where they did labs and placed an IV. The on call OB was called to come and talk to me about what my options were to "void my uterus."
When the OB arrived after an hour or so I was given the option to either induce labor or to go to an abortion clinic. At the time I was unable to make any decision and just wanted to go home. I was released from the ER at approx 11pm that evening (the OB said I only had a day to decide and I needed to come back). My husband dropped me off at home and went and picked up our children.
I spent that entire day in bed unable to function... Trying to spend what little time I had left with my baby. We decided to induce labor and we went to the hospital at 7pm Wednesday evening. There was a lot of check in paper work and ID checking, etc. but all I remember is signing a bunch of paperworks that I was checking into the hospital for "fetal demise." At one point the woman that was checking me in asked her coworker how to spell demise. I tried to close my eyes and ignore them.
At approx 8:30 that evening they placed cyotec and we waited. I listened to music and tried to pretend this wasn't happening.
At approx 11pm I had to go to the restroom and upon sitting up I felt what I thought was my water breaking. Quickly though blood gushed every where over me and the floor. The nurse came in and the blood just kept coming it was soaking through the pads and towels as soon as he placed them. So she called the OB come into the hospital.
I don't remember how long it took for the OB to show but in that time the nurse tried to see how dilated I was wand couldn't because there was too much blood and clots. The OB showed up with her practice partner and it took them several times to get through the blood and clots to feel that my waters were still in tact and at that point they decided that I needed to go into surgery.
When I woke up from surgery I was alone. This is the feeling I'll always remember every time I wake up.
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