Why my home is clean and how it doesn’t make me a bad mother.

A new trend I’ve seen popping up all over my feed and IG is a variation of the following statement:

“Good moms have messy homes and happy children”



Let’s take a moment to really look at this statement and what the meaning it is putting out there is (I will attempt to look at both sides here but because I am human and I have all the thoughts and feelings about this keep in mind I’m biased).

What I think this statement and the people posting it are attempting to do:
- Point out that we as mothers are not super heroes and it is hard to do EVERYTHING and sometimes you have to choose what you are able to do and what is put off for later.
- Kids make messes and thats ok and even awesome, its the big messes that sometimes teach them amazing lessons! (have you ever made slime or done finger paints? its fun. I’m not denying that!)
- That you can be a good, loving, and amazing mother to your children even if your home isn’t spotless (completely true).

What else it says (to me) that perhaps the posters of this statement didn’t think about it (or other comments I’ve heard/read on statements like these:
- If my home is clean I am not a good mother.
- If my home is clean my children are not happy.
- You should spend that time you’re wasting cleaning focusing on your children and doing things with them.
- This whole thing feels very break others that do something a different way down to build yourself up. I’m not for that.

Here’s the thing my home is clean most the time. Is it easy? No. Does it take a lot of effort on my part? Yes, in fact I often lose track of the times I vacuum in a day (my kids are still little there are crumbs!). But to me and my family it is important.

First off, this is not our home. As with everything else we have in this world it is not our’s it has been given to us to use by a loving, generous, and graceful God, and as such I believe it is my job as a mother to show my children that I respect what we have to use so that they can also grow up to appreciate what they have been given and also take care of it. Does this mean I do all the work in my home? No! In fact it means the exact opposite. It is everyone’s job to love and respect our home and the objects in it. I do a lot of the work currently because I do not work outside the home and because my children are still very small. We teach them age appropriate ways that they can assist with taking care of our home (for example: picking up their toys, taking the laundry to the hamper, sweeping the floor, clearing the table, etc).

Secondly, this teaches our children responsibility. In a similar way to having and caring for a pet we have and care for our home. It is our responsibility. Its not always fun but often in life you have to do things that you do not find enjoyable to get to a goal that you want (I find this to be an invaluable lesson!). I do not WANT to clean the toilet (come on who does?), but I would enjoy not seeing urine all over it when I go to the restroom (I have 3 boys it happens ;) ). You may not want to have to take 2 college english composition classes (I know I didn’t!) but your dream is to be an entomologist and you need a degree to do that.

And finally, my children do not need my constant attention 24/7. I am of the thought that it is important for children to have independent play, it is important for them to be bored so that they can develop their imagination and creativity. This doesn’t mean I’m cleaning while they are upset and wanting me (unless its the baby I’ll put him on my back), it means I allow them to play, build forts, make castles out of egg cartons, or maybe read a book… by themselves and I do something else. In my mind I believe it is important for children to learn how to work and play independently, because when you grow up you have to learn to motivate yourself and work independently and be able to do so without fear of messing up or needing supervision.

As I’ve said in the past we all have to make our own priorities for our families. We must choose what is important to us and what works for our family. With that I respect other family’s rights to do this and without judgement, so I’d like the same respect. I would never think to post something that said “Messy homes make messy children” (sorry I couldn’t think of anything!) as I feel thats an attack on someone who has different priorities then I do. They don’t love their children any less then I do and they are not any less of a “good mom”.

Cesarean awareness month.

It is cesarean section awareness month. So this seemed as good a time as any to share my story.

I have 3 sons (6, 2, and 11 months 50 days old). With my oldest I was uninformed and when my doctor suggested that I could get induced at 36 weeks I thought "wow! Yes I'm ready for this to be over!". So I was induced... and in labor for 32 hours... on oxygen... got and epidural... and pushed for I don't even know how long! Needless to say it was a traumatic experience. We were extremely blessed our oldest was in good health and his lungs were developed and he had no interventions.

So when me and my husband were expecting our second it wasn't something I was looking to duplicate. I read. I researched. I became more informed. But... I had pre-eclampsia (HELLP i believe) that wasn't diagnosed until my blood pressure was too high and would not come down. So I had an emergency cesarean section at 33 weeks gestation. I understand the medical need for this surgery as it likely saved my life. None the less I have never quite felt so very powerless. He was born 3 lb 5 oz and I was not able to see or hold him for 24 hours... Even then I could not hold him as he was hooked up to the wires and mask thing. And again we were so very blessed (albeit stressed beyond my then understanding of the word) that our second son did so well in the NICU and was there 6 weeks (the longest 6 weeks of my entire life) and came home 4 lbs 15 oz. We are so blessed he.came.home.

Something happens when you become the mother of a preemie... pregnancy is no longer a burden no matter the pain you're in or how uncomfortable you are. You would do anything to make sure you never have to be in that place again. You don't understand why other mothers would ever try to rush their babies out why they wouldn't just let them come on God's time. You cry reading statuses of pregnant friends doing all they can to have their baby early, scheduling early unnecessary csections, and inductions.

So when we were expecting our third son I was cautious because the history of issues... I took time off from working to minimize my stress. I was told I had to have another cesarean because I'd had one before. I was told I had to have another cesarean because it hadn't been 18 months between pregnancies. I did not believe this. So I researched I asked online support groups for advice and links of articles to read. I armed myself to fight for what I wanted, MY normal birth and a healthy baby. So on I went. I had migraines (the same ones I had with our second) went to neurologists and my OB and there seemed to be no cause so I dealt with them the best I could. So I come in for my 36 week appointment an after I'm done with the appointment my doctor says that he's scheduled my delivery for the next week and has filed all the paperwork to do an early delivery because of my issues. When I informed him that I didn't want a cesarean I've never had someone's attitude change on me so quickly! But he angrily wrote down in my chart and said we could do a "trial of labor" (which in my discussions and research was a giant red flag) so I researched my OB and come to find out he had over a 50% cesarean rate in his births. I thought I could still do it, I really wanted to deliver at the hospital my second was born at, I thought I was empowered enough in my decision and plan to overcome him.

And then came my 39 week appointment. I could tell he was getting more annoyed by the fact the baby had not come yet and more so at the fact that I was choosing to wait. He wanted to induce. I did not want to because the stress induction can place on the csection scar can raise the chance of issues... The likelihood of a vaginal delivery to turn into a csection from induction skyrockets!!! ... And then it came. The moment that has completely lost my faith in this country's OB practices... He told me that if I did not have this baby soon that me and my child would die. He told an emotionally venerable 9 month pregnant woman who'd recently dealt with traumatic NICU experience that I was choosing to KILL MY BABY!

And that was the day I fired my OB.

I found a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) doctor and hospital... They couldn't get me in for a week. I saw the new doctor and his entire vibe was different. I went into labor that day! I was in active labor approx 6 hours with no interventions and pushed twice. Our third son entered the world at 9 lbs 5 oz worth of healthy baby. And WE went home the next day. Together.

The cesarean rate in this country is unbelievable. And we are taught to trust and believe our doctors so we don't give a second thought to them telling us that it's what we need to do. But we as women need to trust our bodies above these doctors... Our bodies are meant to delivery babies! No matter how "big" that inaccurate 3rd trimester ultrasound says our baby is getting :-/

Read this: http://www.friscowomenshealth.com/?option=com_wordpress&Itemid=205&lang=en&p=89

And read more.

Dairy free avocado smoothie!!!! #Paleo

So I love avocado smoothies! I used to have them all the time... Sadly my breastfed chubs:



While extremely adorable and avocado loving himself, has a horrible dairy sensitivity :( ... And as these:

are the normal ingredients ... It's just not happening!!

So #BAM altered recipe!!!



1 large avocado (ripe)
1/2 cup almond milk (be a better person then me and make your own ;) )
1/2 cup ice (I used crushed because my blender has moments)
4 teaspoons of honey (local and raw of course!)

Put in blender! And well blend until smooth ;) add almond milk if too thick for your taste but it should be the consistency of a milk shake....

Mmmm... Magic!



And Gingerbaby approved!

Paleo Carrot salad! Make it. Eat it. Be happy!

Sometimes I'm tired and don't really want to cook! I know it's shocking cause every mother of three boys is over flowing with the time to cook three homemade meals a day!

And sometimes... Yes sometimes! I love chick-fil-a happy chicken and Jesus who could ask for more! If you're unfamiliar with Chick-fil-a I'm going to assume you aren't from the south and poor you you've never had their amazing carrot salad!



Yeah I read the ingredients and I was sad! So here's a pretty good alternative! This is easy and quick to put together and actually tastes better the next day ;)



Ingredients:

1 bag of grated carrots (be a better person then me and grate your own)
1 small can crushed pineapples - drained (check the label or be a better person then me and cut a pineapple
Juice of 1 lime
3 of those little boxes of golden raisins (or really how ever many you want! I love raisins so add some more!)

Directions:

Mix all that shit up in a bowl.
Done.
No really thats it!
Like I said though it tastes better the next day as the carrots suck up lime and pineapple juice... So throw it in a ziploc bag and put it in the fridge (or be a better person then me and use a nice glass container of which all ours are currently in storage :( )

Obimama Custom Wrap Conversion Half Buckle Review and pictures

Obimama Wrap Conversion Half Buckle Review

One day the clouds parted and there was a magical ray of light!! YOU'VE WON A CUSTOM OBIMAMA!! I won my slot from a photo scavenger hunt but there are other (many ways) of scoring either a slot or pre-made Obimama (see her blog post here: http://www.obimama.com/1757/in-the-news/how-do-i-get-an-obimama/).

I'd been on the hunt for a custom WCHB slot for a while (for the idea that would become my Obi) and I'll admit I was skeptical of the whole Obimama hype... All the pictures I'd seen were gorgeous! But could this carrier really live up to the hype? I have a lower back injury and I've NEVER been able to get buckle carriers or Mei Tai's to work for me for too long without pain.

So I tracked down the wrap I'd been dreaming of my WCHB being made of! and off it was shipped to Jen! Who then ... Ok prepare yourself because I love this! ... set up a time to CALL ME! To discus my custom. What options I wanted, the appliqué I wanted on the hood, and made sure she understood how I wanted my appliqué. Her attention to detail just during this conversion got me excited! I knew it was going to be just how I wanted it and beautiful!

I honestly can't recall the exact turn around time but I believe it was about a week and a half from the phone call to getting my carrier in the mail. I'm pretty sure I've never been so excited for a package! This was it! The custom I'd been dreaming of having made for so long! In.my.hands!



And yes it was perfect! And beautiful! And BETTER then I had even imagined (the mustache appliqué had hair! So creative!)

So the real test? How did it work? Was it comfortable? Would my back ache like carries I'd tried in the past?

It was wonderful! My Obi is a short stage 2 with XL straps (for my very tall husband we'll get to him in a minute) and no extra 3rd layer. What the lack of a third layer or extra linen support means for me? It molds like I wrap. It is soft and snuggly and I can get a perfect tight carry with re-enforcement passes and wear it for HOURS!



I also got the Zen straps. These have all the comfort of padded straps but still all the wrapping and finishing options of wrap straps! Because they spread like wrap straps if am doing a front carry I'm able to spread the straps across my back to distribute the weight of my babies.



Now my husband. The man that no matter what I tried would not use any carrier really but his BabyHawk OhSnap... Is now a convert! He will always choose the Obi over the OhSnap! And because he is not a wrapper he just wears it like a Mei Tai (no re-enforcement passes just over and then under the legs) he uses it for hours walking around with both my 10 month old (21 lbs) and my 27 month old (27 lbs).



So in short. Obimamas totally live up to the hype! Not only are they lovingly sewn and beautiful wearable works of art... They are functional and comfortable carriers!!

Life, Food and Laundry

So life has been a bit out of hand recently. My husband's father passed away a couple weeks ago and then normal everyday business. Its so easy to get busy and just try to rushrushrush to get everything done! Its easy to lose track of trying to be more aware of everything you are doing to impact the world and get caught up in the "need to get this done"ness of life!

We have recently changed our eating habits ... we are not dieting but I am making a major effort to be aware of what we (as a family) are putting into our bodies! My goal to eat good homemade no preservatives natural blahityblahityblah food had fallen to the bottom of the list of make sure that everyone is clothed and alive and the dishes aren't too bad, etc. And to be honest we were eating like SHIT! boxed foods and frying crap... and there has been some health side effects so we are now eating locally grown fruits and veggies (from the Dallas Farmer's Market which is killer awesome if you've never been) and LOTS of fish!!! LIKE LOTS OF FISH!!! its a lot of effort to try to get everyone fed before work on my lunch and then after work but in the long run our health is a priority!

On a less serious note... LAUNDRY! Holy crap if it seems like I am always talking about laundry its because it is a HUGE part of my life... it NEVER ENDS!!!
So we've switched from ALL Free and Clear to homemade laundry detergent (the Duggar's recipe found here: http://www.duggarfamily.com/content/duggar_recipes/30456/Powdered%20Laundry%20Detergent%20-%20Top%20load%20machine) and its been great it works awesome and we've not noticed a different except in the wallet ;) .

Also I've been meaning to blog about "sunning" ... if you are at all "green" and read crap on the internet you probably have heard this term. I LOVE SUNNING!!! I do NOT use spot/stain removers! They are expensive and unnecessary chemicals. This is pretty easy for me as I already line dry but basically you stick the stain out in the sun and let the sun bleach it out:


^ a lovely carrot stain... GONE!


^ husband's nasty socks... FIXED!

you have to leave it out for longer then you would if you were just drying it but its worth it! especially here in Texas were the sun never ends!
I did recently run into a stain that did NOT sun out (besides grease but dawn will get that ;) ) and it was baby curry poop on my diaper inserts! G.R.O.S.S! I asked on a green parenting board and lemon juice was suggested! I juiced a couple lemons and poured it on after the wash and set out in the sun (I have no idea if this is the "proper" way) but after a few hours it was GONE! (I figured you didn't want to see shit stain pictures ;) ).

Anyway all in all life continues as normal ... I will try to update more often as everything settles down!

So what the fuck is wrong with you anyway?

Well besides my inability to come up with witty blog entry titles and my complete lack of this weird thing my father always refers to as "tact" (wtf is that anyway?) I'll have a confession to make! I have a very "serious" genetic disorder!!! 



I have a BLACK thumb!!! (I also cut my thumb grating cheese earlier... Did I list clumsy in my earlier list?) yes this is a GENETIC issue!!! My mother could look at a fucking plant and the next day it would be dead! My grandmother never had too much either (although not as severe)... Strangely my father has the ability to keep plants alive that most normal people would kill (African Violets and poinsettias are the ones I remember the most)... I did NOT receive these skillz! 

I so desperately want to be one of those people with a vegetable garden in their backyard! I dream of home grown tomatoes and sweet peppers! I ENJOY gardening! I've tried and the shit ALWAYS dies... Every. Fucking.time. So at this point I've given up, I've excepted my problem, I've grieved, and I've "let it go" (although I'll probably try again someday :-/). I buy my fruits and vegetables for the most part at the Farmer's Market. Where I used to live there was a place that every Sunday people would sell their vegetables/fruits from their non-dead backyard garden... I liked going there and buying from them (those who can, do. Those who fucking kill shit pay the ones who can). 

So what the fuck I'm I rambling on about this for? Well... If there is one part of gardening that I excell/ed at it's composing!!!! Yes I <3 composting! I have a little pile in my backyard, we had a compost bucket at the condo we lived in before. And to this day I save all my kitchen scrapes, newspapers, yard clippings, weeds, etc and I water it and flip it and all that jazz... Well what do I do with all the loveliness? Mother fucking nothing!!! I'm holding on to just a little bit of a dream of being a gardener... I'm a composter! Also I'm breaking down items that don't need to take up space in a land fill ;) so in the long run the world thanks me for my pile of crap!!!