Non birth story.

On Tuesday June 12th I went into my midwife's office for my normal monthly check up (I had my 7 year old with me because he wanted to hear the baby) and she was unable to find a heart beat. It was after 5pm so I needed to go to the hospital quick before the people that could get me into get a sono closed. My midwife called the people and confirmed they would get me in as soon as I got there. 

So off to the hospital I went with my 7 year old. Upon getting to the hospital they told me that I'd have to call and make an appointment tomorrow when the dept that handles the sonos are open. The midwife was able to track someone down to get me in and I was take back to get a sono at about 6pm alone with my 7 year old (who I gave my phone to play with). At no point in the sono did I get to see the baby the screen was faced away from me the entire time and then the tech said she had to call the midwife to confirm the readings. 

This was the last contact I had with my midwife. She informed me over the sono tech's phone that the tech found no heart beat and the baby had passed. I was 17 weeks and 2 days. The tech told me to go to the ER where I was lucky enough to have some friends that had come up to the hospital waiting room with me and I decided to wait for my husband before going back into the ER. 

A friend picked up my husband and children as I had the car with the car seats. And we were checked into the ER where they did labs and placed an IV. The on call OB was called to come and talk to me about what my options were to "void my uterus." 

When the OB arrived after an hour or so I was given the option to either induce labor or to go to an abortion clinic. At the time I was unable to make any decision and just wanted to go home. I was released from the ER at approx 11pm that evening (the OB said I only had a day to decide and I needed to come back). My husband dropped me off at home and went and picked up our children.

I spent that entire day in bed unable to function... Trying to spend what little time I had left with my baby. We decided to induce labor and we went to the hospital at 7pm Wednesday evening. There was a lot of check in paper work and ID checking, etc. but all I remember is signing a bunch of paperworks that I was checking into the hospital for "fetal demise." At one point the woman that was checking me in asked her coworker how to spell demise. I tried to close my eyes and ignore them. 

At approx 8:30 that evening they placed cyotec and we waited. I listened to music and tried to pretend this wasn't happening. 

At approx 11pm I had to go to the restroom and upon sitting up I felt what I thought was my water breaking. Quickly though blood gushed every where over me and the floor. The nurse came in and the blood just kept coming it was soaking through the pads and towels as soon as he placed them. So she called the OB come into the hospital. 

I don't remember how long it took for the OB to show but in that time the nurse tried to see how dilated I was wand couldn't because there was too much blood and clots. The OB showed up with her practice partner and it took them several times to get through the blood and clots to feel that my waters were still in tact and at that point they decided that I needed to go into surgery. 

When I woke up from surgery I was alone. This is the feeling I'll always remember every time I wake up. 

Creamy Avocado Dressing

Ingredients:

2 small avocados 

Juice of one lime

1/4 cup of liquid coconut oil (if it's solid met in a pan on the stove) 

1/2 can of coconut milk (combined)

3 tablespoons apple cider vinegar 

2 tablespoons minced garlic (I really like garlic so keep this in mind!) 

Salt and pepper to taste

Place 2 small avocados in food processor or blender, add like juice and coconut oil and blend until smooth.

Add apple cider vinegar, coconut milk, and spices. Blend until smooth. Taste and add more salt/pepper/garlic to your liking. 

Be a good hippy and store in a mason jar ;) (mine are blue so the color is a little off) in the fridge. 

Dear Children, be true.

Why is it important that we teach our children to be true to themselves? 

I believe we are fearfully and wonderfully made. What that means to me is that God has made us completely unique to be used in a unique way to serve Him. Within us as children is a spirit, an essence, that God has given us, a pull towards him and a unique and beautiful personality. I think sometimes as adults in an effort to "protect" our children from the cruel, harsh world we try to make them fit into the nice happy acceptable box that society approves of. In doing so I think we are losing part of the beauty that is our children or making it more difficult to grow to love themselves as God does.

I believe as a parent I am here to guide my children to find themselves in The Lord, and as much as I want to be their protector from "the world" that's not my job it's God's.

Pslams 31(Amp):

19 Oh, how great is Your goodness, which You have laid up for those who fear, revere, and worship You, goodness which You have wrought for those who trust and take refuge in You before the sons of men!

20 In the secret place of Your presence You hide them from the plots of men; You keep them secretly in Your pavilion from the strife of tongues.

If we teach our children to change themselves or not speak their heart for fear of bullying or prosecution... The world not only wins, but we have taught them to place their valve in the thoughts and actions of men (of this world) instead of finding their value in the Love of our Lord. 

So you're frustrated, sweaty, and on the verge of tears?

- Some little tips on learning back carries

Tip 1: NO BABY JEANS!
Yes baby jeans are OMG IM DYING ADBORBS! but they have zero give which makes getting that nice "M" position and a deep seat hard esp if you're a new back wrapper.

Tip 2: Feetie PJs once size too big If you feel your child needs to wear feetie PJs only wrap in ones with PLENTY of feet room! When making the seat in a wrap job it takes some of the material in the pants and it can squish their toes or cause issues with you being able to get a good seat because the fabric is too taunt on the PJs. If you aren't addicted to feeties skip them and opt for leggings and socks ;)

Tip 3: Just do it naked! Learning to back wrap has a serious learning curve by itself if at all possible when learning do it at home and with minimal clothing in the way (for both you and your baby). For more info on this go to thebabywearer.com and look for the naked double hammock thread ;)

Tip 4: Both rails matter! When making your seat I know we all always focus on that top rail being snug! But the bottom rail being loose is just as important so that it's free to have the width to get it nice and deep seat. (see video at the bottom).

Tip 5: Start simple Focus on getting comfortable before you start trying to do the world's most complex 20 step carries. If you're terrified of how you're going to get your baby on and off your back? Just do that! When I first started back wrapping I practiced that first. Explore all your "getting baby back there" options and try them out and see what works for you! Get comfortable.

Tip 6: Distraction! If your baby is a little bigger and frustrated with how long you're taking to learn your new skill give them something MAGICAL! something they aren't usually supposed to play with ;) suggestions your phone, the TV remote, and maybe even bribing with food (this is much cleaner if you're following tip 3).

Tip 7: Mirror mirror This will differ with people but some people really are helped by being in front of a mirror when wrapping so they can see what they are doing. Other people may find this more difficult and prefer to feel what they are doing instead.

Tip 8: NO TOUCHING! If you have a spotter ask them not to touch the wrap unless you know you're about to drop the baby (have a code word lol).

Here is a video for a visual aid (sorry for the sake of your eyes I am clothed ;) ):

In case you were confused. A toy buying guide brought to you by Target.

Have you ever walked in to the toy section and felt just so very overwhelmed with all the options? How on earth am I to know what to purchase? Well Target hears you and is here to help!

What you need to know:
1) The age of the child you are buying for
2) The sex of the child you are buying for
3) No personal likes or preferences needed!

Are you buying for a child under the age of 3? You're in luck! For this age group the sex of the child does not matter you may pick a toy you think the child will enjoy from either of the yellow backed aisles. Feel free to browse and choose based on the child's likes or developmental level.

Buying for a child over the age of 3?
Now this is where people were confused! Target has made your life easier by color coding the toy aisles based on the sex of the child you're buying for!

If you're buying for a girl you can buy from any of the pink backed aisles. With all the lovely selections like Barbies, dolls, and those lovely new "girl Lego" kits called something like "Lego Friends" (be warned though if the child you are buying for has had confused gifters before that didn't have this lovely system Target has provided and got boy Legos these girl Legos WILL NOT FIT! How it should be of course! Boy and girl toys should not mix!).

Now on your boy aisles you'll have the lovely blue backed shelves with everything a boy would ever want! Like regular Legos, action figures, toy cars (you know cause girls shouldn't drive so we shouldn't let our daughters play with these! Smart move), and other various mucho stuff. These aisles will keep you safe from any unfortunate gifting blunders like accidentally encouraging nurturing fathering actions or God forbid encouraging a boy to want to cook or become a chef (come on that's a female dominated career!).

Now if you feel you've mastered gift buying you may venture into the arts and crafts section back in green. But BE WARNED! this is not for the toy shopping novice! There are no signs here to keep you from buying a friendship bracelet kit for a boy! Be careful!

Why my home is clean and how it doesn’t make me a bad mother.

A new trend I’ve seen popping up all over my feed and IG is a variation of the following statement:

“Good moms have messy homes and happy children”



Let’s take a moment to really look at this statement and what the meaning it is putting out there is (I will attempt to look at both sides here but because I am human and I have all the thoughts and feelings about this keep in mind I’m biased).

What I think this statement and the people posting it are attempting to do:
- Point out that we as mothers are not super heroes and it is hard to do EVERYTHING and sometimes you have to choose what you are able to do and what is put off for later.
- Kids make messes and thats ok and even awesome, its the big messes that sometimes teach them amazing lessons! (have you ever made slime or done finger paints? its fun. I’m not denying that!)
- That you can be a good, loving, and amazing mother to your children even if your home isn’t spotless (completely true).

What else it says (to me) that perhaps the posters of this statement didn’t think about it (or other comments I’ve heard/read on statements like these:
- If my home is clean I am not a good mother.
- If my home is clean my children are not happy.
- You should spend that time you’re wasting cleaning focusing on your children and doing things with them.
- This whole thing feels very break others that do something a different way down to build yourself up. I’m not for that.

Here’s the thing my home is clean most the time. Is it easy? No. Does it take a lot of effort on my part? Yes, in fact I often lose track of the times I vacuum in a day (my kids are still little there are crumbs!). But to me and my family it is important.

First off, this is not our home. As with everything else we have in this world it is not our’s it has been given to us to use by a loving, generous, and graceful God, and as such I believe it is my job as a mother to show my children that I respect what we have to use so that they can also grow up to appreciate what they have been given and also take care of it. Does this mean I do all the work in my home? No! In fact it means the exact opposite. It is everyone’s job to love and respect our home and the objects in it. I do a lot of the work currently because I do not work outside the home and because my children are still very small. We teach them age appropriate ways that they can assist with taking care of our home (for example: picking up their toys, taking the laundry to the hamper, sweeping the floor, clearing the table, etc).

Secondly, this teaches our children responsibility. In a similar way to having and caring for a pet we have and care for our home. It is our responsibility. Its not always fun but often in life you have to do things that you do not find enjoyable to get to a goal that you want (I find this to be an invaluable lesson!). I do not WANT to clean the toilet (come on who does?), but I would enjoy not seeing urine all over it when I go to the restroom (I have 3 boys it happens ;) ). You may not want to have to take 2 college english composition classes (I know I didn’t!) but your dream is to be an entomologist and you need a degree to do that.

And finally, my children do not need my constant attention 24/7. I am of the thought that it is important for children to have independent play, it is important for them to be bored so that they can develop their imagination and creativity. This doesn’t mean I’m cleaning while they are upset and wanting me (unless its the baby I’ll put him on my back), it means I allow them to play, build forts, make castles out of egg cartons, or maybe read a book… by themselves and I do something else. In my mind I believe it is important for children to learn how to work and play independently, because when you grow up you have to learn to motivate yourself and work independently and be able to do so without fear of messing up or needing supervision.

As I’ve said in the past we all have to make our own priorities for our families. We must choose what is important to us and what works for our family. With that I respect other family’s rights to do this and without judgement, so I’d like the same respect. I would never think to post something that said “Messy homes make messy children” (sorry I couldn’t think of anything!) as I feel thats an attack on someone who has different priorities then I do. They don’t love their children any less then I do and they are not any less of a “good mom”.

Cesarean awareness month.

It is cesarean section awareness month. So this seemed as good a time as any to share my story.

I have 3 sons (6, 2, and 11 months 50 days old). With my oldest I was uninformed and when my doctor suggested that I could get induced at 36 weeks I thought "wow! Yes I'm ready for this to be over!". So I was induced... and in labor for 32 hours... on oxygen... got and epidural... and pushed for I don't even know how long! Needless to say it was a traumatic experience. We were extremely blessed our oldest was in good health and his lungs were developed and he had no interventions.

So when me and my husband were expecting our second it wasn't something I was looking to duplicate. I read. I researched. I became more informed. But... I had pre-eclampsia (HELLP i believe) that wasn't diagnosed until my blood pressure was too high and would not come down. So I had an emergency cesarean section at 33 weeks gestation. I understand the medical need for this surgery as it likely saved my life. None the less I have never quite felt so very powerless. He was born 3 lb 5 oz and I was not able to see or hold him for 24 hours... Even then I could not hold him as he was hooked up to the wires and mask thing. And again we were so very blessed (albeit stressed beyond my then understanding of the word) that our second son did so well in the NICU and was there 6 weeks (the longest 6 weeks of my entire life) and came home 4 lbs 15 oz. We are so blessed he.came.home.

Something happens when you become the mother of a preemie... pregnancy is no longer a burden no matter the pain you're in or how uncomfortable you are. You would do anything to make sure you never have to be in that place again. You don't understand why other mothers would ever try to rush their babies out why they wouldn't just let them come on God's time. You cry reading statuses of pregnant friends doing all they can to have their baby early, scheduling early unnecessary csections, and inductions.

So when we were expecting our third son I was cautious because the history of issues... I took time off from working to minimize my stress. I was told I had to have another cesarean because I'd had one before. I was told I had to have another cesarean because it hadn't been 18 months between pregnancies. I did not believe this. So I researched I asked online support groups for advice and links of articles to read. I armed myself to fight for what I wanted, MY normal birth and a healthy baby. So on I went. I had migraines (the same ones I had with our second) went to neurologists and my OB and there seemed to be no cause so I dealt with them the best I could. So I come in for my 36 week appointment an after I'm done with the appointment my doctor says that he's scheduled my delivery for the next week and has filed all the paperwork to do an early delivery because of my issues. When I informed him that I didn't want a cesarean I've never had someone's attitude change on me so quickly! But he angrily wrote down in my chart and said we could do a "trial of labor" (which in my discussions and research was a giant red flag) so I researched my OB and come to find out he had over a 50% cesarean rate in his births. I thought I could still do it, I really wanted to deliver at the hospital my second was born at, I thought I was empowered enough in my decision and plan to overcome him.

And then came my 39 week appointment. I could tell he was getting more annoyed by the fact the baby had not come yet and more so at the fact that I was choosing to wait. He wanted to induce. I did not want to because the stress induction can place on the csection scar can raise the chance of issues... The likelihood of a vaginal delivery to turn into a csection from induction skyrockets!!! ... And then it came. The moment that has completely lost my faith in this country's OB practices... He told me that if I did not have this baby soon that me and my child would die. He told an emotionally venerable 9 month pregnant woman who'd recently dealt with traumatic NICU experience that I was choosing to KILL MY BABY!

And that was the day I fired my OB.

I found a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) doctor and hospital... They couldn't get me in for a week. I saw the new doctor and his entire vibe was different. I went into labor that day! I was in active labor approx 6 hours with no interventions and pushed twice. Our third son entered the world at 9 lbs 5 oz worth of healthy baby. And WE went home the next day. Together.

The cesarean rate in this country is unbelievable. And we are taught to trust and believe our doctors so we don't give a second thought to them telling us that it's what we need to do. But we as women need to trust our bodies above these doctors... Our bodies are meant to delivery babies! No matter how "big" that inaccurate 3rd trimester ultrasound says our baby is getting :-/

Read this: http://www.friscowomenshealth.com/?option=com_wordpress&Itemid=205&lang=en&p=89

And read more.