“Good moms have messy homes and happy children”
Let’s take a moment to really look at this statement and what the meaning it is putting out there is (I will attempt to look at both sides here but because I am human and I have all the thoughts and feelings about this keep in mind I’m biased).
What I think this statement and the people posting it are attempting to do:
- Point out that we as mothers are not super heroes and it is hard to do EVERYTHING and sometimes you have to choose what you are able to do and what is put off for later.
- Kids make messes and thats ok and even awesome, its the big messes that sometimes teach them amazing lessons! (have you ever made slime or done finger paints? its fun. I’m not denying that!)
- That you can be a good, loving, and amazing mother to your children even if your home isn’t spotless (completely true).
What else it says (to me) that perhaps the posters of this statement didn’t think about it (or other comments I’ve heard/read on statements like these:
- If my home is clean I am not a good mother.
- If my home is clean my children are not happy.
- You should spend that time you’re wasting cleaning focusing on your children and doing things with them.
- This whole thing feels very break others that do something a different way down to build yourself up. I’m not for that.
Here’s the thing my home is clean most the time. Is it easy? No. Does it take a lot of effort on my part? Yes, in fact I often lose track of the times I vacuum in a day (my kids are still little there are crumbs!). But to me and my family it is important.
First off, this is not our home. As with everything else we have in this world it is not our’s it has been given to us to use by a loving, generous, and graceful God, and as such I believe it is my job as a mother to show my children that I respect what we have to use so that they can also grow up to appreciate what they have been given and also take care of it. Does this mean I do all the work in my home? No! In fact it means the exact opposite. It is everyone’s job to love and respect our home and the objects in it. I do a lot of the work currently because I do not work outside the home and because my children are still very small. We teach them age appropriate ways that they can assist with taking care of our home (for example: picking up their toys, taking the laundry to the hamper, sweeping the floor, clearing the table, etc).
Secondly, this teaches our children responsibility. In a similar way to having and caring for a pet we have and care for our home. It is our responsibility. Its not always fun but often in life you have to do things that you do not find enjoyable to get to a goal that you want (I find this to be an invaluable lesson!). I do not WANT to clean the toilet (come on who does?), but I would enjoy not seeing urine all over it when I go to the restroom (I have 3 boys it happens ;) ). You may not want to have to take 2 college english composition classes (I know I didn’t!) but your dream is to be an entomologist and you need a degree to do that.
And finally, my children do not need my constant attention 24/7. I am of the thought that it is important for children to have independent play, it is important for them to be bored so that they can develop their imagination and creativity. This doesn’t mean I’m cleaning while they are upset and wanting me (unless its the baby I’ll put him on my back), it means I allow them to play, build forts, make castles out of egg cartons, or maybe read a book… by themselves and I do something else. In my mind I believe it is important for children to learn how to work and play independently, because when you grow up you have to learn to motivate yourself and work independently and be able to do so without fear of messing up or needing supervision.
As I’ve said in the past we all have to make our own priorities for our families. We must choose what is important to us and what works for our family. With that I respect other family’s rights to do this and without judgement, so I’d like the same respect. I would never think to post something that said “Messy homes make messy children” (sorry I couldn’t think of anything!) as I feel thats an attack on someone who has different priorities then I do. They don’t love their children any less then I do and they are not any less of a “good mom”.
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