Its a journey.

I will start this out by saying this is not an easy thing to write out. It hasn't always been an easy journey and I didn't always fight for my child when I should have, but where we are is where we are meant to be and I pray that this can give other parents the strength to fight for their child and the hope that there is another way.

My oldest son was born himself. I often have told the story of his 2 week check up with our family doctor and just being in tears because he NEVER SLEPT! Why won't he sleep?!?! Being a first time mom the doctor of course looked at me like a I was nuts! That I just didn't understand how having a newborn was and I wrote it off as such. He was scooting across his bed at 3 weeks old. He started talking very early (and never stopped) and was running by his first birthday. I thought all this was wonderful of course! But the sleep it never got better, and he was always very easily woken and upset. When he was two it was suggested that I try the "super nanny method" of just picking him up and putting him back in his bed over and over again. This of course did not work... I spent hours sitting outside his room crying and putting him back.

He's always been extremely smart (although he was only enroll in an actual preschool program for less then 4 months) he knew his colors, letter, shapes, and was "reading" (memorizing) all of his bedtime stories before his 3rd birthday. I of course just thought I was an awesome mom that I was just teaching him these things so well. But in reality he was just learning from his environment and he would soak ANYTHING you said or did like a sponge (trust me! read my blurb about my cussing problem). So naturally I thought he would be amazing at school! No problem!

From the very beginning there were many "parent/teacher" meetings, ARD meetings (to discuss special ed), notes home, and red circles on his folder calendar. I didn't understand what had happened to my child. He no longer had any interest in reading, he couldn't tell me the colors, or letters that he saw, it was as if he had disconnected from all the things he previously knew. His first kindergarten teacher couldn't "handle him" in her class so he was moved to another class, and his new teacher was amazing and sweet but nothing got better. He would come home and tell me no one in his class wanted to be friends with him because he was the "bad kid". They moved him to a single desk while all the other kids got to sit at circle tables. He was isolated. He felt alone. And more often then not he did not get to have any recess time due to the behavior color he was one (the one publicly displayed).

He moved on to 1st grade. He was suspended within the first week for "tackling" another student in gym class while they were playing. The school had a "strict no violence policy" and although he was not done in anger he was suspended for 2 days. He was suspended on multiple occasions another reason being the time he "blew his snot on another student" (this specific incident was witnessed by no adults and was only reported by another child). There were more meetings and more ARD conferences, and then the time they try to convince me that my child had a speech issue so they could send him to the district physiatrist (I never quite understood the connection they were trying to make there but I adamantly declined that suggestion).

I was told over and over that he was so far behind. He was reading/writing on a first semester kindergarten level and only because that was the lowest level they had for the test. There were hours of homework each night that usually ended in us both in tears. He would melt down and cry every time you would ask him to read a word or what sound a letter made. At the end of his 1st grade year I asked that he be held back because I did not want him going on to 2nd still at a "first semester kindergarten level" and I was denied. They made it a point to test him and tell me over and over again how behind he was but they would not hold him back.

So I took him out of school, unenrolled him. I personally couldn't handle the heartache anymore that had become the school system. I couldn't see my child struggle and made fun of and mocked on a daily basis. I refused to let my child be publicly labeled a "bad kid" or failure any longer. My husband was less then thrilled, but I have a brother that reminds me a lot of my oldest son. He's extremely intelligent (beyond the words I have to express it) and just never did well in school.

We started with trying to do "school at home" based homeschool but honestly that didn't go over much better then the homework did. He still struggled with a lot of big emotions and meltdowns when attempting to "make" him do school work or learn things. We then moved on to learning based on his interests. He would have a goal in mind (for example geocaching) so we would set out a course for him to learn the skills to accomplish this goal. This worked amazingly! I choose not to push anything he didn't want to or couldn't do and we would move on. I would read instructions to him in games, books, and things he needed to know to get done what he was doing. Now he chooses what to do I don't force "learning" on him. Then the other day (more then 7 months into this) he read to me a sign on a door it said "do not enter". While this is probably pretty insignificant to most 8 year olds this was close to a miracle for my child.

We have a long road to go and a lot of hurt and bad feelings to undo but our family is happy. We are whole. And more then anything we are blessed to have our son back.